In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize