I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
