Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
