so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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