Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
