Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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