Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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