just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
