Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
