Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
