if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A+ Viking dick
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