just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
