Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
