I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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