Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
These tits shall not be calmed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
