Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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