I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
