im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize
