I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo