Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
