did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
