Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
