my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
