Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
