spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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