his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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