my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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