Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
