I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize