I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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