My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
