My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
