Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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