I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The air taste purple.
Randomize
