3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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