im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
how drunk are you?
Several
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
