You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
