it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
