just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
