she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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