so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
