i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
