Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How external is "for external use only"?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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