they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
