Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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