I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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