i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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