my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please, let me fuck your mom
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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