SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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