So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
