he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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