You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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