My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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