I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
