i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
