96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
