thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
