Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
