Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
