look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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