My pussy is not your playground.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
