Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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