Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
