Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
