Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
