Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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