new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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