yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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