Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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