So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
