mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
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