smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
