I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
