Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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