I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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