I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
