Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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