dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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