Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
