so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
